As the new editor-in-chief of MFS WordsWorth, I thought it only fitting that I continue the tradition of my late (read: graduated) predecessor, Ed Gelernt, in writing a monthly editorial column. While I can hardly hope to recreate the unique gifts that Gelernt brought to “Ed Said”—notably, his uniquely fiery writing style, his doubly fiery hair color, and the inimitable ability to have one’s first name rhyme with “Said”— I hope to forge my own path nonetheless.
Welcome to “On The Horn,” pun — as always — very much intended.
As the first month of my senior year chugs steadily along, I have become quite sentimental, reminiscing on that fierce September lo three years ago when I was, in fact — and this is not something I like to admit — a freshman. In the spirit of nostalgia, which in my opinion is the real senioritis, this is my utterly objective, completely comprehensive list of what has changed between September 2013 and September 2016, both at MFS and beyond.
Exhibit A: Barack Obama
Then: President Obama, still in the first year of his second term, vows to do things.
Now: President Obama, now in the last year of his second term, vows to convince people that he has done things.
Exhibit B: Hillary Clinton
Then: After four years in office, Hillary Clinton resigns as Secretary of State in order to pursue a career as a professional presidential candidate
Now: After four more years as a candidate, millions of Americans agree that Clinton is best qualified to stay that way.
Exhibit C: Donald Trump
Then: Donald J. Trump is inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.
Now: Donald J. Trump is made the Republican Party’s presidential candidate: all things considered, a lesser honor.
Exhibit A: The Internet
Then: Facebook waits patiently for Twitter to die out.
Now: Twitter waits patiently for Facebook to die out.
Then: George Zimmerman, a Florida man accused of murdering teenager Trayvon Martin without just cause in 2012, is acquitted at trial. The acquittal sparks national outcry, increased divisiveness, renewed partisanship, and dismal race relations.
Now: Everything mentioned above is all better now.
MOORESTOWN FRIENDS SCHOOL
Exhibit A: Barbara Kreider
Then: Science Department Head Barbara Kreider provides popcorn for hungry students.
Now: Former Science Department Head Barbara Kreider has retired, but hungry students still undergo butter-based déjà vu when passing her old classroom.
Exhibit B: Spirit Week
Then: In a shocking upset, the juniors (class of 2015) defeat the seniors (class of 2014) in Spirit Week.
Now: In a shocking upset, all grades agree that shocking upsets only occur once a century by the laws of fate, and therefore the seniors (class of 2017) will win as preordained.
Exhibit C: WordsWorth
Then: According to website analytics, the majority of the student body only checks www.mfswordsworth.com during Spirit Week and after major school sporting events.
Now: According to website analytics, the majority of the student body only checks www.mfswordsworth.com during Spirit Week, after major school sporting events, and when Alex Horn glares at them.
Exhibit A: Height
Then: I was five feet eight inches tall.
Now: It’s nice to know that some things never change.